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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Pediatricians: Screen All Children For Depression, HIV

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends in its new guidelines that all children regardless of risk level be regularly tested for high cholesterol, depression, and HIV, screenings that could detect issues early enough to eliminate the need for medication later in life. What do you think?

  • “Sure, as long as I can still regularly assure my kids that life is meaningless.”

    Harvey Carson Brick Molder
  • “We can’t keep coddling our children with all this medical attention.”

    Gail Whethers Tongues Translator
  • “They should probably also see a podiatrist. It just seems to fit with all that other stuff, you know?”

    Marco Zimmer Unemployed

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