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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Pediatricians: Stop Using Trampolines

Citing 98,000 trampoline-related injuries in the U.S. in 2009, the American Academy of Pediatrics published a statement in the journal Pediatrics that “strongly discouraged” children’s use of trampolines. What do you think?

  • “Sounds like these doctors just want more trampoline time for themselves.”

    Camilla Machado Tax Auditor
  • “I’m sorry, but the pure, unadulterated joy on my daughter’s face as she floats carelessly through the air is worth any ensuing snapped bones or paralysis.”

    Eric DeAngelis Lard Refiner
  • “Oh, come on. Most of those injuries weren’t caused by trampolines—they were caused by the ground.”

    Maury Maas Geophysical Drafter
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