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Pennies, Nickels To Change?

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Pennies, Nickels To Change?

Between costly raw materials and manufacturing expenses, pennies and nickels cost more than twice their face value. The Obama administration has asked Congress for permission to change the metal composition for those coins. What do you think?

  • "You have to wonder what Obama is thinking invoking the ire of numismatist alloy originalists in an election year."

    Domenic Archer Systems Analyst
  • "Why not take this as an excuse to just scrap them both and replace them with one convenient six-cent coin?"

    Becky Rockford Purchase Agent
  • "Dammit. So you’re telling me that when I hauled all those pennies down to the electric company to pay my bill, they got the better end of the deal?"

    Sasha Brady Radon Remediation Consultant

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