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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Pentagon Allows Women To Serve On Front Lines

Defense Secretary Leon Panetta announced today the removal of a 1994 Pentagon rule that banned women from officially serving on the front lines. What do you think?

  • “Oh, man. I can’t wait to see the look on an insurgent’s face when a soldier removes their helmet to reveal long, flowing blonde hair.”

    Thomas Dockstader Unemployed
  • “In fairness, women were kinda shit back in 1994.”

    Rocky LaPoint Hand Loom Weaver
  • “Would it have killed them to let us enjoy the whole gay thing a little longer?”

    Xavier Pennington Sole Blacker
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