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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Pentagon Brass Supports Gays In Military

Defense Secretary Robert Gates and Joint Chiefs of Staff Chairman Mike Mullen both spoke out in favor of Obama's call to lift the "don't ask, don't tell" policy and allow gays to serve openly in the military. What do you think?
  • "Yet still they discriminate against our flat-footed brothers and sisters."

    Will Greenberg Double-Needle Stitcher
  • "Allowing gays to serve openly in the Army is a long overdue reform, but it must be accompanied by an assurance that heterosexuals will be able to serve openly in the Navy."

    Farley O'Donnell Kiln Operator
  • "Man, it's gonna be weird in 30 years when there's some homeless, drugged-up veteran on the sidewalk and I'm not gonna be sure what his sexual orientation is."

    Lydia Toplyn Organ Installer

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