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Pentagon: Gay Equals Crazy

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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Pentagon: Gay Equals Crazy

Recently released documents reveal that the Pentagon considers homosexuality to be a mental disorder, decades after mainstream psychology dismissed that idea. What do you think?
  • "Even though I’m gay, I’m not going to criticize this claim until I at least hear what kind of drugs I might now be able to get if I enlist."

    Dan Klein Beverage Sales
  • "Wow, I didn't realize that when the plane hit the Pentagon it had blasted it back in time 50 years."

    Eric March Intern
  • "And here I’d always thought homosexuality was the devil’s work."

    Cassie Corcoran Cake Decorator

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