adBlockCheck

Recent News

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
End Of Section
  • More News

Pentagon Proposes Scaling Back Army To Pre-WWII Levels

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel proposed a new Pentagon budget that would shrink the U.S. Army to its smallest size in 74 years and retire an entire fleet of A-10 “Warthog” jets, cuts he said would allow for a more versatile, technologically advanced force. What do you think?

  • “Yeah, we did things just right in the run-up to World War II.”

    Jackson Cummings Software Installer
  • “Our enemies who wanted America to have a more versatile, technologically advanced fighting force have won!”

    Brenda Sockaloe Furniture Arranger
  • “I give it 10 months before Hagel comes crawling back to the Flying Warthogs.”

    Harry McKee Sound Mixer

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close