adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

‘People’ To Stop Publishing Photos Of Celeb Kids

Citing the need to curb aggressive paparazzi tactics, People magazine announced that they would no longer be publishing photos of celebrity children taken without the parents’ consent. What do you think?

  • “Could they at least tell us when and where the celebs’ kids will be so we can go look at them for ourselves?”

    Dana Rogers Trauma Surgeon
  • “What a load of horseshit. Those kids knew what they were getting into when they were conceived by celebrities.”

    Cameron Dodd Bank Teller
  • “I just hope those kids will get enough attention somehow.”

    Asher LaMarca General Store Manager

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close