adBlockCheck

Recent News

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

People With Children Live Longer

According to a study by Danish researchers, men and women who do not have children are at increased risk of dying early when compared to those who have kids. What do you think?

  • “Do they have to be my own children or will any old kid I find work?”

    Conor Keely Crane Operator
  • “I was just wondering why my parents were still alive.”

    Janette Leganger Flavoring Maker
  • “So how many more cigarettes can I smoke every year per kid?”

    Arnie Hammerstrom Copperplate Engraver
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close