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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Pepsi Introduces High-Fiber, 'Fat-Blocking' Soda

Aiming to attract young and health-conscious consumers, PepsiCo introduced “Pepsi Special” in Japan yesterday, a high-fiber drink that contains the water-absorbing substance dextrin, which the company claims will help reduce body fat. What do you think?

  • “About time. I’m sick of drinking Pepsi Decent.”

    Neils Brostoff Home Health Aide
  • “I’m sure this will be a huge hit—all kids ever seem to talk about today is their high-fiber diets.”

    Albert Flack Resin Worker
  • “I bet this is one of those scams where they make it seem healthy by making the serving size really small, like 24 ounces.”

    Phyllis Monroe Turnstile Attendant

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