PepsiCo Develops New 'Healthier' Salt

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Vol 46 Issue 13

NBA To Start Charging Teams For Free Throws

NEW YORK—In an effort to increase the league's revenue and offset the expensive cost of foul shots, commissioner David Stern announced Monday that the NBA would begin charging teams a $50 fee per free throw attempt.

Chimp In Cocaine Study Starts Lying To Friends

ATLANTA—Early in the study, Bobo's elevated mood and excessive chattering made him quite popular among the other chimpanzees. But researchers claimed that his increased irritability, short temper, and absenteeism at the jungle gym did not go unnoticed.
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Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

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PepsiCo Develops New 'Healthier' Salt

With the introduction of a new designer salt that dissolves on the tongue faster, PepsiCo hopes to reduce the sodium in its Lay's Classic potato chips by 25 percent. What do you think?

  • "This is good. There's nothing more annoying than having to stand around and wait to taste the salt in potato chips."

    Olivia Partridge
    Systems Analyst
  • "I've always prided myself on my ability to eat just one. Now I'm going to have to eat 1.3."

    Reid Moulding
    Night Guard
  • "Meanwhile, Coke's stuck in the mud just offering a superior soft drink."

    Felix Gregory
    Tack Puller
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