adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

Period Suppression Pill OK'd

The FDA approved Lybrel, a birth control pill that stops the monthly menstrual cycle altogether. What do you think?
  • "This is unfair—when will they come up with a pill that keeps my genitals from bleeding."

    Chris Jawoerk Marketing Director
  • "This could potentially ruin daytime television's entire sponsorship model."

    Alex Lau Sous Chef
  • "I've already figured out a way to stop the menstrual cycle altogether: 14 consecutive pregnancies."

    Baly Sniderman Admissions Clerk

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close