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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Perry Became Millionaire In Politics

Since entering public office, Texas governor Rick Perry has profited from multiple land deals that, according to critics, were the result of his political connections. What do you think?

  • “That shows the exact kind of corrupt savvy a president will need to get this country back on track.”

    Dorian Flood Unemployed
  • “I'm not buying it. Everybody knows Perry made his millions through a string of prudent livestock investments in the ’80s.”

    Steve Brown Gambreler
  • “Yeah, exactly. Being a Texas governor is awesome.”

    Bernard Langford Systems Analyst

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