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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Peruvians' Mysterious Illness

Nearly 150 Peruvians claim that they have been made ill by a meteor that crashed in Carangas a week ago. What do you think?
  • "That's what they get for licking a meteor."

    Doug Ng Systems Analyst
  • "It's possible given the amount of dust it kicked up when it struck earth. But don't get me wrong, my money is still on aliens."

    Randi Sandoval Numerologist
  • "If I believed everything 150 Peruvians told me, I'd still be trapped in Robert Redford's wine cellar. It's a long story."

    Jared Iommi Legal Secretary
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