Peruvians' Mysterious Illness

Top Headlines

Recent News

Most Likely Candidates For Trump’s Cabinet

If elected president, Donald Trump will have the opportunity to nominate up to 15 cabinet members, each advising him on executive departments. Here are the most rumored choices for Trump’s inner circle.

Cake Just Sitting There

Take It

CHICAGO—Assuring you that there was nothing to worry about and not a soul around who would see you, sources confirmed Tuesday that a large piece of chocolate cake was just sitting there and that you should go ahead and take it.

Siblings Each Hoping Other One Will Take Care Of Aging Parents Someday

CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

Peruvians' Mysterious Illness

Nearly 150 Peruvians claim that they have been made ill by a meteor that crashed in Carangas a week ago. What do you think?
  • "That's what they get for licking a meteor."

    Doug Ng Systems Analyst
  • "It's possible given the amount of dust it kicked up when it struck earth. But don't get me wrong, my money is still on aliens."

    Randi Sandoval Numerologist
  • "If I believed everything 150 Peruvians told me, I'd still be trapped in Robert Redford's wine cellar. It's a long story."

    Jared Iommi Legal Secretary


Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close