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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Petco To Stop Selling Dog, Cat Treats Made In China

The pet supply retail chain Petco has announced that after the deaths of 1,000 dogs were linked to consuming chicken, duck and jerky treats imported from China, it will cease selling Chinese-made pet treats in its 1,300 stores across the nation. What do you think?

  • "For me this issue is mostly academic, as I've been banned from all 1,300 Petco locations."

    William Kesteren Meat Curer
  • "Now where is my dog going to get his daily recommended allowance of cadmium?"

    Max Whinnett Poker Room Supervisor
  • "Thankfully I've been importing Chinese ducks for months for just such an emergency."

    Sarah Cavalli Sweater Designer
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