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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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Peter O'Toole Retires

After a career of six decades, 79-year-old Irish actor Peter O’Toole, famous for his starring roles in Lawrence Of Arabia and Goodbye, Mr. Chips, as well as a life of hard drinking and carousing, has announced his retirement. What do youthink?

  • “I knew his drinking would catch up to him in six decades’ time.”

    Erica Kaell Prep School Administrator
  • “I guess he realized he needed to get serious about bridge to have any hope of ever beating Omar Sharif.”

    Steve Chapman Hedge Fund Analyst
  • “So you’re saying there’s a position open to become Peter O’Toole? No need to keep hinting. I’ll take the job."

    Andre Horesh Fashion Consultant
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