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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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PG-13 Movies Have More Gun Violence Than R Movies

A study found that the amount of gun violence in PG-13–rated movies has more than tripled since 1985, with recent PG-13 films containing more gun violence than R-rated films. What do you think?

  • “How else are children going to learn to shoot while jumping sideways?”

    Frederick Leitzman Engraver
  • “Well, if you have a better suggestion for how Jack Reacher should defend himself, I’m all ears.”

    Anisa Cantu Boarding Kennel Operator
  • “Don’t tell me what happens. I haven’t seen any of them yet!”

    Aaron Garbarino Unemployed
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