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Phil Collins Retires

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Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Hollywood Stars Overthrown In Bloody C-List Uprising

LOS ANGELES—Unleashing a brutal wave of violence and destruction that has upended the entire power structure of the entertainment industry overnight, the nation’s C-list celebrities have carried out a bloody coup to overthrow the hottest stars in Hollywood, sources reported Tuesday.
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Phil Collins Retires

In an interview with FHM magazine, Phil Collins announced his retirement from music. What do you think?

  • "All right, but he’d better not be singing in the shower."

    Kip Masterson Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, no. I was still holding out hope that his genius might produce another four seconds of musical magic like those unbelievable four seconds from 'In the Air Tonight' when the drums come in."

    Mary Parks Opaquer
  • "Wait. There's a new FHM out?!?"  

    Arthur McConnell Veneer Clipper

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