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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

FDA Rents Party House Upstate To Test New Drug

TOBYHANNA, PA—With preclinical studies of an in-development cholesterol-reducing medication now complete, Food and Drug Administration officials confirmed Monday they would be conducting initial trials of the new drug at a large party house they had rented in upstate Pennsylvania.

Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.
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Phone Hack Whistleblower Found Dead

Sean Hoare, a former News Of The World entertainment journalist who was first to admit publicly that reporters were encouraged to hack celebrities' phones, was found dead in his home at Watford, England. What do you think?

  • "Well, I hope we've all learned a valuable lesson about trying to rid the world of evil."

    Lynn Scott Vault Custodian
  • "That guy was kind of Woodward and Bernstein, Deep Throat and Nixon all in one."

    Ian Evans Systems Analyst
  • "I hope you're not implying that this guy was killed by Rupert Murdoch, because that's the kind of thing that can get you killed by Rupert Murdoch."

    Josh Wright Unemployed

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