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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Phones May Help Diagnose STDs

British researchers are developing a computer chip that uses a smartphone and a saliva or urine sample to determine what, if any, sexually transmitted disease the user has. What do you think?

  • "That should free up my gynecologist to help me figure out how to make an international call."

    Gina Neville Systems Analyst
  • "Great, another piece of technology I'm going to have to spend all afternoon teaching my parents to use."

    Jason Porter Order Filler
  • "How can a program tell the difference between a disease and if you just spilled some hot sauce down there earlier, for fun?"

    Philip Modeliste Electronic Scale Tester
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