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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Photo Of Obama Shooting Gun Stirs Controversy

To corroborate President Barack Obama’s recent assertion that he shoots clay pigeons “all the time” when he visits Camp David, the White House tweeted a photograph of the president firing a shotgun that has drawn considerable scrutiny. What do you think?

  • “I’m sorry, but this one photo does not make up for all the other photos of him not shooting a gun.”

    Michael Vucelich Yeast Pumper
  • “Ooh. I had no idea our president was such a sexy, sexy man.”

    Bianca Karamanos Urban Anthropologist
  • “That has to be a Photoshop. No way Obama owns a belt.”

    Terry Christensen Gaffer

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