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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Photos Of Bin Laden's Body To Stay Secret

A federal court ruled that the government does not have to release photographs of the body of Osama bin Laden taken after he was shot dead in 2011, claiming the images could incite violence against the U.S. What do you think?

  • “Maybe they could lighten the mood a bit by drawing a big handlebar mustache or some eyeglasses on him in the photo?”

    Annette Francine Matchbook Assembler
  • “This is America; my right to salacious entertainment should trump any concerns about national security.”

    Roger Cole Ocularist
  • “If the U.S. government ends up covertly assassinating me after a decade-long manhunt, I’d appreciate they not show those photos either, please.”

    Trevor Bucossi Systems Analyst
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