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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Pilot Had Little Experience Landing Boeing 777

According to airline officials, the pilot of the Asiana Airlines flight that crashed at San Francisco International Airport Saturday had limited experience landing a Boeing 777 jetliner, and had only 43 hours of flying time behind the controls of the plane when he attempted to touch down on the runway. What do you think?

  • “Eh, if you’ve been flying for 43 hours, you’ve pretty much seen it all.”

    John DiVincentis Log Peeler
  • “Hasn’t this airline suffered enough without their pilots’ credentials being called into question?”

    Michael Doty Systems Analyst
  • “He tried to land that plane, though. That’s more than most of us can say.”

    Erin Bicks Women’s Activities Advisor

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