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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Pilot Had Little Experience Landing Boeing 777

According to airline officials, the pilot of the Asiana Airlines flight that crashed at San Francisco International Airport Saturday had limited experience landing a Boeing 777 jetliner, and had only 43 hours of flying time behind the controls of the plane when he attempted to touch down on the runway. What do you think?

  • “Eh, if you’ve been flying for 43 hours, you’ve pretty much seen it all.”

    John DiVincentis Log Peeler
  • “Hasn’t this airline suffered enough without their pilots’ credentials being called into question?”

    Michael Doty Systems Analyst
  • “He tried to land that plane, though. That’s more than most of us can say.”

    Erin Bicks Women’s Activities Advisor

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