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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Piracy Down Sharply Off African Coast

Citing vigilant patrolling by international forces and heightened security by shippers, the U.S. Navy stated that so far this year pirates have carried out only nine successful attacks near the Horn of Africa, as compared with 34 in all of 2011 and 68 in 2010. What do you think?

  • “Sounds like the perfect time to take all my possessions sailing around the Horn of Africa.”

    Shelly Downey Occupational Analyst
  • “Well, there goes the last interesting thing about the news.”

    Joe Yamamoto Vine Pruner
  • “Oh, man, now I really have no excuse not to attend my cousin’s wedding in Mogadishu.”

    Clay Segal Electrical Line Splicer

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