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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Plague Fatality In Arizona

An autopsy revealed that an Arizona biologist who was found dead on Nov. 2 had contracted the pneumonic plague after handling a cougar corpse. What do you think?
  • "Exactly what precautions can the rest of us take? Avoiding cougar carcasses? Is that very realistic?"

    Charlie Thornton Pasta Maker
  • "The resurgence of the plague is probably because God is angry with mankind. Either that or because the bacterium, Yersinia pestis, is found in rodents and their fleas and is prevalent in many areas of the world."

    Mary Benning Mattress Salesperson
  • "Did he have a headache and fatigue and stuff? Shit, I'm going to die."

    Haitham Tahir Book Binder
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