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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Plans To Nuke Iran

According to an article by Seymour Hersh in this issue of The New Yorker, the U.S. has drawn up plans to preemptively attack Iran to stop their nuclear program, including possibly using tactical nuclear weapons. What do you think?
  • "On the other hand, the New Tehranian exposed the truth about how great a family man President Ahmadinejad really is."

    Sarrith King Groundskeeper
  • "I don't know if a plan to use nuclear weapons to destroy a nuclear program will be approved by the contentious UN Irony Council."

    Phil Anderson Hair Stylist
  • "At least we won't need an exit strategy."

    Lynette Cobb Grocer

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