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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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PlayStation 3 Outage Angers Players

A programming bug in Sony's PlayStation 3 caused error messages to crop up this week, and the manufacturer urged owners not to use the gaming console for 24 hours. What do you think?
  • "You know, maybe I should take a break from playing PlayStation for a while and get back to playing Xbox."

    Lisa Bell Track Inspector
  • "I couldn't drive my Toyota or use my PlayStation, so I just called up my Grandpa and complained about the Japanese with him."

    Allen Chilton Systems Analyst
  • "Yeah, my son was pretty pissed. My son is the head of PlayStation, incidentally."

    Jim Stephens Neck Cutter
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