Plot To Murder Justin Bieber Foiled

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Vol 48 Issue 50

Fuck Everything, Nation Reports

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Plot To Murder Justin Bieber Foiled

Two men have been accused of planning to capture teen pop sensation Justin Bieber at a recent concert, strangle him to death with a paisley tie, and possibly castrate him, a plot allegedly masterminded by a 45-year-old jailed New Mexico rapist and murderer with a tattoo of Bieber on his leg. What do you think?

  • “Hey, that was my idea!”

    Daisuke Koyama
    Unemployed
  • “Yeah, I felt the same way after Bieber changed his hairstyle, but you know what? I think I’ve grown to like the new hairstyle even more than the original.”

    Kay Rifkin
    Game-Bird Farmer
  • “How’d they get tickets?!”

    Tobias Hightower
    Radar Mechanic
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