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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Pluto Not A Planet?

Scientists from around the world are convening this week to decide whether or not Pluto fits the definition of a planet. What do you think?
  • "On the bright side, that's five fewer minutes I have to spend helping my son on his solar-system mobile."

    Dale Kenner Telephone-System Installer
  • "I just hope I'm not around when the news finally hits Pluto in 4,000 light years."

    Brenda Dobbs Unemployed
  • "That's cool. I hear Seyfert II has an opening."

    Dan Praeger Shampooer
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