Pluto Not A Planet?

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Child’s Loose Grasp On Balloon Only Thing Between Peace And Anarchy At Restaurant

JACKSONVILLE, FL—Eating their meals and conversing pleasantly without paying any heed to how loosely the string was wrapped around the young child’s finger, diners at a local Panera Bread reportedly went about their lunch Wednesday completely unaware that 2-year-old Nate Pollen’s tenuous grasp on a red helium balloon was the only thing standing between peace and total anarchy.

Biologists Still No Closer To Discovering How Birds Have Sex

BERKELEY, CA—With not a single scientist having successfully observed the behavior despite extensive ongoing research, the field of biology has made no progress in its understanding of how birds have sex, experts at the University of California told reporters Wednesday.

Best Buy Employee Wearing Different Colored Shirt For Some Reason

‘His Shirt Is Black,’ Confused Customers Say

FAIRFAX, VA—Eyeing the staff member with wariness and confusion, customers at the Fair City Mall Best Buy location confirmed Wednesday that one of the store’s employees was, for some reason, wearing a black shirt rather than a blue one like the rest of his coworkers.
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Pluto Not A Planet?

Scientists from around the world are convening this week to decide whether or not Pluto fits the definition of a planet. What do you think?
  • "On the bright side, that's five fewer minutes I have to spend helping my son on his solar-system mobile."

    Dale Kenner
    Telephone-System Installer
  • "I just hope I'm not around when the news finally hits Pluto in 4,000 light years."

    Brenda Dobbs
  • "That's cool. I hear Seyfert II has an opening."

    Dan Praeger