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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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‘Polar Vortex’ Hits Nation With Record-Low Temperatures

A mass of freezing air that began in the Arctic hit the middle of the country with its coldest weather in two decades on Monday, with some states in the Plains and Midwest facing windchill temperatures below -50 degrees Fahrenheit and many districts deciding to close public schools for the day. What do you think?

  • "I can’t respect any vortex that doesn’t suck me into a new dimension."

    John Danvers Truck Loader
  • "So they’re going to cancel an entire school day just because it’s a little cold out and everyone would die?"

    Megan Murphy Architectural Assistant
  • "Why the fuck do you think I'm wearing these mittens?"

    Tom Magner Systems Analyst
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