‘Polar Vortex’ To Be Replaced By ‘Pollen Vortex’

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Vol 50 Issue 16

Ronald McDonald Gets Millennial Makeover

McDonald’s officials announced this week that they are redesigning longtime mascot Ronald McDonald with a new outfit and will begin mentioning him on Twitter using the hashtag #ronaldmcdonald, though he does not yet have an account of his own.

Local TCBY Has Missed Past 2 Logo Changes

Obama spends another night searching behind White House paintings for safes, an autopsy determines a total loser's corpse contained no traces of drugs or alcohol, and a superstitious Delta Airlines adds busty mermaids to its plane noses.
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‘Polar Vortex’ To Be Replaced By ‘Pollen Vortex’

Allergists are warning that because this winter’s harsh “polar vortex” has delayed spring temperatures, many plants will release pollen simultaneously when warm weather finally breaks, creating a “pollen vortex” that could severely affect those with allergies. What do you think?

  • “I wish we’d get a good vortex for a change.”

    James Wiley
    Relish Maker
  • “I’m sure allergy sufferers will bear this hardship with their usual stoicism.”

    Chris Mazzei
    Rigging Slinger
  • “Oh boy, I hope I don’t accidentally say ‘polar vortex’ when I really mean ‘pollen vortex.’”

    Peggy Piotroski
    Law Clerk
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