‘Polar Vortex’ To Be Replaced By ‘Pollen Vortex’

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College Freshman Decides To Be Lanyard-Wearing Kind

ANN ARBOR, MI—Emphasizing that this was not a choice he had made lightly, University of Michigan student Kevin Peterson told reporters Thursday that he had officially decided to become one of the lanyard-wearing kind of freshmen.

‘Polar Vortex’ To Be Replaced By ‘Pollen Vortex’

Allergists are warning that because this winter’s harsh “polar vortex” has delayed spring temperatures, many plants will release pollen simultaneously when warm weather finally breaks, creating a “pollen vortex” that could severely affect those with allergies. What do you think?

  • “I wish we’d get a good vortex for a change.”

    James Wiley
    Relish Maker
  • “I’m sure allergy sufferers will bear this hardship with their usual stoicism.”

    Chris Mazzei
    Rigging Slinger
  • “Oh boy, I hope I don’t accidentally say ‘polar vortex’ when I really mean ‘pollen vortex.’”

    Peggy Piotroski
    Law Clerk