Police Raid Justin Bieber’s Home

In This Section

Vol 50 Issue 02

President Curbing NSA Spying

In an effort to address citizens’ privacy and civil liberty concerns, President Obama announced today that intelligence agencies would now be required to obtain a court’s permission to access metadata from telephones.

Michelle Obama Turns 50

First Lady Michelle Obama turns 50 years old today and will celebrate with a birthday party at the White House tomorrow night, which has been described on official invitations as an evening of “Snacks & Sips & Dancing & Dessert.” W...

Scientist: Cats View Owners As Large Cats

In his new book Cat Sense, British biologist and animal behavior expert John Bradshaw argues that domestic cats view their owners as large, non-hostile cats, such as a mother cat or an older, larger relative.

The Onion’s Oscar Picks

Following this morning’s announcement of the 86th Academy Awards nominations, many pundits are calling this year’s Oscar race one of the most wide open in recent memory.
End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Fantasy Sports

Little League Pitcher Just Getting Fucking Shelled

RED BANK, NJ—After watching the 11-year-old give up the fourth straight double that inning, sources confirmed Sunday afternoon that local Little League pitcher Dustin Bauer is getting absolutely fucking shelled out there.

Sleep

Police Raid Justin Bieber’s Home

Following allegations last week that Justin Bieber threw eggs at a neighbor’s house, police raided the teen pop idol’s Calabasas mansion yesterday morning. What do you think?

  • “That will teach him not to waste food.”

    Blake Caso
    Laboratory Assistant
  • “Seems like only yesterday Justin was a fresh-faced, inordinately famous, deeply disturbed 15-year-old.”

    Bart Lambert
    Lacquerer
  • “Overcoming such adversity will only make his art even stronger.”

    Kelly Hirschfeld
    Systems Analyst
Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More