adBlockCheck

Recent News

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
End Of Section
  • More News

Police Tasers Deemed Safe

A recent independent study determined that Tasers are generally safe in the hands of the police. What do you think?
  • "Yes. Give the police more Tasers."

    Larry Dawes Injection Molding Operator
  • "The police care for their Tasers so much that they tend to neglect their pepper spray, and that just tears me up inside."

    Owen Baker Saw Sharpener
  • "Breathe easy, YouTube community. It looks like you'll have entertainment for decades to come."

    Maggie Astley Union Organizer

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close