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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Poll: 86% Of NFL Players Okay With Gay Teammate

ESPN conducted a poll of current NFL players regarding their thoughts on having a gay teammate and found that out of the 51 respondents, 86 percent don’t care about their teammates’ sexual orientation. What do you think?

  • “The NFL is basically Europe in a lot of ways.”

    Don Woodvine Ice Cutter
  • “Wow, it takes strength to stand up and say ‘I don’t care’ like that.”

    Marybeth Glover Field Producer
  • “Man, the brain damage has really gotten to them.”

    Griffin Schofield Organic Farmer

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