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Poll: Elite Colleges Don’t Produce Happier Graduates

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Entire Broncos Organization Announces Retirement After Super Bowl Win

‘There’s Nothing Better Than Going Out On Top,’ Says Every Denver Player, Coach, Executive, Trainer, Office Administrator, Janitor

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following the team’s 24-10 victory over the Carolina Panthers in Super Bowl 50, every single member of the Denver Broncos organization officially announced their retirement Sunday.

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.
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Poll: Elite Colleges Don’t Produce Happier Graduates

According to a new Gallup poll, going to a highly selective university doesn’t lead to being happier in life, with survey results indicating that students who forge connections with inspiring professors are likelier to be happier and more engaged workers. What do you think?

  • “Just tell me what to do and where to go to guarantee happiness forever.”

    Dan Blythe
    Halogen Lamp Assembler
  • “Yeah, like I’ll really believe a poll from those state-school morons over at Gallup.”

    Claire Taylor
    Glass Blowing Instructor
  • “Is there no joy in this world for the privileged?”

    Mitch Considine
    Systems Analyst

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