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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Poll: Most In U.S. Believe JFK’s Death A Conspiracy

Fifty years after President John F. Kennedy’s assassination, a Gallup poll has found that 61 percent of Americans still believe JFK’s murder was a conspiracy and not carried out by Lee Harvey Oswald alone. What do you think?

  • “It’s just more fun this way, you see!”

    Cassandra Lazzara Food Chemist
  • “These people need to let go of their obsession with this idea that JFK was ever alive at all.”

    Phil Wilbanks Movie Critic
  • “Hmm, seems like Gallup’s asking a lot of questions.”

    Ted Denlinger Plaque Maker
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