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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Poll: Older Americans Very Satisfied With Their Jobs

In a new poll, 90 percent of Americans over the age of 50 reported that they were either very satisfied or somewhat satisfied with their jobs, with the poll showing a steadily increasing level of job satisfaction among workers as they age. What do you think?

  • “Typical baby boomers. Always satisfied with everything.”

    Vincent Zalvin Well Digger
  • “That’s because they didn’t grow up with that agitator Dilbert constantly pointing out the frustrations and drudgeries of office life.”

    Pia Morales Sandblaster
  • “The longer I work at Dairy Queen, the happier I get.”

    Edwin Avery Fast Food Worker
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