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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Pollution Could Pose Greater Risk For Obesity

A Beijing study found that the effects of heavily polluted air on the city’s rat population included greater risk for diabetes and obesity, suggesting humans are similarly affected by pollution. What do you think?

  • “Looks like the science is really stacking up in favor of breathable air.”

    George Knight Boxing Historiographer
  • “It’s downright shameful that we’re only concerned about rat health for purely selfish reasons.”

    Nicole Pittman Skirt Hemmer
  • “My own rat experiments have produced similar results.”

    Thad Davidoff Beard Sculptor
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