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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Poor Diet May Cause Alzheimer’s

A growing body of research suggests that an unhealthy diet reduces the natural level of insulin in the brain, which, in turn, may cause the neurodegenerative disease Alzheimer’s, prompting some doctors to begin referring to the condition as “type 3 diabetes.” What do you think?

  • “Permanently forgetting your problems through binge eating? I can’t imagine a more desirable process.”

    Fred Tager Carpet Salesman
  • “That makes sense. I’ve eaten four packages of hot dogs this week, and I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

    Liz Martorano Gluing Machine Adjuster
  • “Let the search for type 4 diabetes commence!”

    Clement Valcarce Duck Farmer

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