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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Pope Benedict Says God Told Him To Resign

Speaking publicly for the first time since he stepped down, 86-year-old pope emeritus Benedict XVI claimed that his surprise resignation in February was due to a months-long “mystical experience” during which “God told [him]” to retire. What do you think?

  • “Then why didn’t God just kill him?”

    Frederic Brochu Weld Inspector
  • “Yeah, God tells me to give up all the time.”

    William Savitt Unemployed
  • “There is no God.”

    Lynn Takama Slurry Blender
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