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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Pope Benedict Says God Told Him To Resign

Speaking publicly for the first time since he stepped down, 86-year-old pope emeritus Benedict XVI claimed that his surprise resignation in February was due to a months-long “mystical experience” during which “God told [him]” to retire. What do you think?

  • “Then why didn’t God just kill him?”

    Frederic Brochu Weld Inspector
  • “Yeah, God tells me to give up all the time.”

    William Savitt Unemployed
  • “There is no God.”

    Lynn Takama Slurry Blender

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