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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Pope Calls Internet ‘Gift From God’

In a statement yesterday, Pope Francis called the internet “truly good” and labeled it “a gift from God,” saying that it brought humanity closer together. What do you think?

  • “I knew it!”

    Parker Laszlo Fashion Critic
  • “Wow, first He sends His son to die for us and now He gives us the internet? You’re the best, God!”

    Lonnie Benitez Systems Analyst
  • “Okay, I guess I’ll check it out.”

    Gwen Hastert Bakery Owner
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