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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Pope: Church Must Stop Focusing On Gays, Abortion

Claiming that the Catholic Church had become “obsessed” with “small-minded rules” on social issues, such as contraception, abortion, and homosexuality, Pope Francis said the Church should be more inclusive and focus on spreading messages of compassion instead of condemnation. What do you think?

  • “Okay, but they better find some other outlet for my bigotry.”

    Hal Wong Marine Animal Trainer
  • “So I can’t hate gays but I also can’t be gay? What’s left?”

    Jo Pirozzi Systems Analyst
  • “Now we can focus our contempt where it belongs: on the gluttons.”

    Gunter Grech Pawnbroker
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