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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Pope Excommunicates Italian Mobsters

During a trip to the Calabria region of Italy, the power base of a global drug trafficking syndicate, Pope Francis announced that all Mafia members are automatically excommunicated from the Catholic Church. What do you think?

  • “Big talk from the guy with the creator of the universe on his side.”

    Christopher Miller Tupperware Rinser
  • “But can the mob guys in movies still act all religious while also killing people? Because I always thought that was a cool dynamic.”

    Kendra DeBlois Systems Analyst
  • “There goes his shot at getting a cool mobster nickname.”

    Roy Arnold Purebred Dog Breeder

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