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New EPA Chief Proposes 30% Cut In All Carbon-Based Organisms

WASHINGTON—Expressing confidence that the nation would meet the ambitious benchmarks by the end of Donald Trump’s presidential term, Scott Pruitt, the president-elect’s nominee for chief of the Environmental Protection Agency, said Thursday he would seek a 30 percent cut in all carbon-based organisms upon assuming office.

Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:
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Pope Francis Drops F-Bomb During Vatican Blessing

While delivering his weekly blessing on Sunday, Pope Francis accidentally pronounced the Italian word caso, meaning “example,” as cazzo, a word commonly translated as “fuck.” What do you think?

  • “Alas, if only the Lord judged us by what we attempt to say.”

    Glen Archer Tour Group Booker
  • “I like my popes a little bawdy.”

    Michael Brennan Unemployed
  • “Now the big question is: Can he learn to forgive himself?”

    Ellen Close Stenographer

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