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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Pope Francis Encourages Women To Breastfeed

During a ceremony at the Sistine Chapel on Sunday in which he baptized 32 children, Pope Francis encouraged mothers in attendance to breastfeed hungry infants in public, saying it was even acceptable in church. What do you think?

  • “Man, this guy would do anything to get people to think he’s reasonable.”

    Gordon Solomon Ornithologist
  • “I hope none of the mothers accidentally bop their baby’s head while making the sign of the cross.”

    Ian Cahoon Masonry Inspector
  • “I’m sorry, but I prefer my churches to be houses of shame.”

    Jonathan Carpenter Flag Designer

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