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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
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Pope Joins Twitter

The Vatican unveiled Pope Benedict XVI’s personal Twitter account today, @pontifex, and stated that the Catholic leader would begin tweeting in eight languages on Dec. 12. What do you think?

  • “I hope he tweets out a lot of photos of his pope hat.”

    Burt Shankey Bucket Turner
  • “I bet he just wants to exercise more control over American nuns’ hashtags.”

    Judith Pomeroy Embalmer
  • “Wait, if that’s the pope, who the hell is @PopeMan82?”

    Daryl Raikes Systems Analyst

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