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Population: Six Billion

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A Primer On North Korea

The Democratic People’s Republic of Korea remains largely unknown to Americans due mainly to the secrecy and isolationism upheld by its government. The Onion provides a primer on North Korea’s people and culture

‘People Are Inherently Good,’ World Halfheartedly Mutters

NICE, FRANCE—Following yesterday’s terrorist attack in Nice, France that left over 80 people dead and scores more injured, sources reported that a dazed and utterly dejected global populace halfheartedly muttered the phrase “People are inherently good” to themselves Friday.

Louvre Curators Hurry To Display Ugly Van Gogh Donor Gave Them Before Surprise Visit

PARIS—After retrieving the eyesore from amid a clutter of unused display cases and movable stanchions in the back of the facility’s basement where it had been stowed ever since the museum received it, curators at the Louvre hurried to display an ugly Vincent van Gogh painting before the artwork’s donor made a surprise visit to the museum Friday.

ISIS Starting To Worry New Recruit Huge Psycho

RAQQA, SYRIA—Admitting that the recently arrived jihadist’s disturbing behavior was becoming a serious cause for concern, several ISIS members told reporters Friday they were starting to worry that new recruit Said Hassad was a huge psycho.
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Population: Six Billion

Last month, the world's population reached the six-billion mark. What do you think of this landmark?
  • "Decades ago, those guys in Zero Population Growth said the planet was critically overpopulated at 3.5 billion. Guess that shows them."

    Bill Cardassian Cab Driver
  • "At least we humans are doing a better job than those ants."

    Carl Turner Podiatrist
  • "Thank God. I was wondering how we were going to staff all those new Old Navys, Targets and Barnes & Nobles."

    Ben Magadan Carpenter
  • "Six billion? And you know where all of them are? In the goddamn checkout line in front of me, that's where."

    Alexander Ormond Systems Analyst
  • "And of those six billion, only 10, maybe 11 tops, are cool."

    Jill Eppard Student
  • "Nothing is more precious than teeming, overpopulated, resource-destroying human life."

    Felicia Mott Bank Teller

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