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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.
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Population: Six Billion

Last month, the world's population reached the six-billion mark. What do you think of this landmark?
  • "Decades ago, those guys in Zero Population Growth said the planet was critically overpopulated at 3.5 billion. Guess that shows them."

    Bill Cardassian Cab Driver
  • "At least we humans are doing a better job than those ants."

    Carl Turner Podiatrist
  • "Thank God. I was wondering how we were going to staff all those new Old Navys, Targets and Barnes & Nobles."

    Ben Magadan Carpenter
  • "Six billion? And you know where all of them are? In the goddamn checkout line in front of me, that's where."

    Alexander Ormond Systems Analyst
  • "And of those six billion, only 10, maybe 11 tops, are cool."

    Jill Eppard Student
  • "Nothing is more precious than teeming, overpopulated, resource-destroying human life."

    Felicia Mott Bank Teller

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