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Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.

Departing Bo Obama Lands K Street Lobbyist Position

WASHINGTON—Touting his lengthy tenure in the White House and close personal relationships with the president of the United States and first lady, executives at Brownstein Hyatt Farber Schreck announced Monday that once the current administration steps down later this week, the departing Bo Obama will officially join their high-powered K Street lobbying firm.
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Positive Affirmation Makes One Feel Worse

According to a study published in the journal Psychological Science, repeating positive affirmations like "I am a lovable person" makes depressed people feel worse. What do you think?

  • "Well, then, what are the magic words you're supposed to say to cure depression?"

    Robert McMinn Night Baker
  • "You're a wonderful person for letting me know that!"

    Terion Neal Back Tacker
  • "That’s why I constantly mumble something a bit more realistic, like, ‘You are wearing pants,’ to help me through the day."

    Josh Siedow Unemployed

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