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Scientists Discover 99% Of NFL Players’ Brains Slimy

SEATTLE—In a major advancement of the ongoing effort to better understand the specific neurobiology of these athletes, a new study released Wednesday by scientists at the University Of Washington revealed that 99 percent of NFL players’ brains are slimy.

Man Knows Exactly Which Asshole Got Him Sick

SARATOGA SPRINGS, NY—Immediately realizing the genesis of the fever and sore throat that left him feeling like shit, 30-year-old local man Edward Mosley told reporters Tuesday that he knows exactly which asshole got him sick.

How Gerrymandering Works

The Supreme Court is considering a case regarding the partisan gerrymandering of districts in Wisconsin, which could change the way maps are drawn across the country. Here is a step-by-step guide to how Gerrymandering works.
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Positive Affirmation Makes One Feel Worse

According to a study published in the journal Psychological Science, repeating positive affirmations like "I am a lovable person" makes depressed people feel worse. What do you think?

  • "Well, then, what are the magic words you're supposed to say to cure depression?"

    Robert McMinn Night Baker
  • "You're a wonderful person for letting me know that!"

    Terion Neal Back Tacker
  • "That’s why I constantly mumble something a bit more realistic, like, ‘You are wearing pants,’ to help me through the day."

    Josh Siedow Unemployed

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