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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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Possible Ninth Planet Found In Solar System

Astronomers at Caltech have discovered compelling evidence that a massive ninth planet exists far past Neptune, with an orbit around the sun that takes over 10,000 years to complete. What do you think?

  • “I’m not going to lie to you. I’ve known about this planet for quite some time.”

    Sandy Binns Glass Filler
  • “I’ll take any opportunity to burn some textbooks!”

    Jared Hoyne Microchip Dealer
  • “How many Styrofoam balls do you people think I can afford?”

    Dwight Lindgren Fossil Auditor

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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