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Voyager Probe Badly Damaged After Smashing Into End Of Universe

PASADENA, CA—Confirming that several components had broken off the craft and that most of its scientific instruments were no longer operational, officials from NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory announced that Voyager 1, the pioneering space probe launched in 1977, had been severely damaged Thursday after crashing into the end of the universe.

Leaked Documents Reveal Studio Executives Knew About ‘Gods Of Egypt’ Before It Released Onto Public

SANTA MONICA, CA—Suggesting that the disastrous events of three months ago could have been averted, federal investigators stated Wednesday that a trove of leaked documents confirmed high-ranking studio executives had full knowledge of Gods Of Egypt long before the film was released onto unsuspecting Americans.Investigators described those who allowed such a screenplay to be carried out as “extremely sick and heartless individuals.”

Books Vs. E-Readers

Though e-readers have increasingly supplanted books in the digital age, many bibliophiles defend the importance of physical texts. Here is a side-by-side comparison of physical books and e-books

The Arguments For And Against Bernie Sanders Staying In The Race

Bernie Sanders is ramping up his efforts in the presidential race despite long odds, while sharpening his criticisms of a Democratic Party increasingly focused on the general election with Hillary Clinton as their presumptive nominee. Here are the arguments for and against Sanders staying in the race
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Post Office Nearly Bankrupt

With the U.S. Postal Service in danger of defaulting on a $5.5 billion payment due this month, a bailout will be necessary to ensure the mail is delivered. What do you think?

  • "Listen, I have some thank-you notes I've been putting off. I'm not saying it's gonna solve everything, but I am saying I'm willing to do what I can."

    Tina Farisi Systems Analyst
  • "I guess I'd be okay with UPS delivering my mail. Of course, I'd have to take off time from work to be home to sign for it."

    Rich de Souza Cable Supervisor
  • "They'd better solve this quick—October is gourmet-popcorn-catalog season!"

    Corey Brooke Tone Regulator

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